The Boyfriend Dilemma
“He who has no mistake may cast the first stone”
Nobody is perfect. Each and every one of us has his own mistakes.
Here’s how it goes:
Step 1: You make a mistake.
Step 2: You realize the mistake you’ve done.
Step 3: You say you’re sorry.
False Answer. You lose. Who’s next?
You just wish it could be that easy. Here’s what happens or should happen when dealing with such a situation.
Step 3: Think straight. Think about what you’ve done and what made you realize your mistake. In other words: What was the reason behind me making that mistake?
Step 4: You answer your own question(s). Don’t under-estimate nor over-estimate what you did.
Step 5: Try to predict all “what-ifs” and test your answers logically.
Step 6: Test the mood to know when the right time to confront should take place.
Step 7: The confrontation
(All previous steps are negligible if you failed Step 7)
a) The Attitude
Never show any sign of weakness nor hesitation.
Never, under any circumstance, show any sign of defensiveness nor aggressiveness.
You face your girlfriend with an attitude of confidence & courage.
Your tone should be calm as if you’re stating a fact.
b) The Statement
State what you know, never what you think.
State only the necessary. “Anything you say can and will be used against you”.
Present all the facts needed to provide security, never compassion.
Think positive. Never speak of negative emotions.
Always end with “I love you” after she feels secure. A second earlier, it serves you no good.
Step 8: Keep in mind that this mistake will haunt you each time you make any other mistake, big or small. A woman never forgets :)
Moral of the story: Don’t make mistakes.
God help mankind.
11 comments:
Those are some pretty good tips! Sounds like you may have had quite an experience lately :)
I love the moral of the story! :)
They do sound like good tips. But, having just been on the receiving end of that process, shouldn't there be some kind of step in there where you actually acknowledge that, in this case at least, the mistake had an effect on the people around you and that you should take ownership of that behaviour and try not to do it again?
I may sound like I'm coming from someplace quite specific, and I am, one would assume that if one were to admit they had made a mistake, and understood why they did it, that they would endeavour not to do it again, am I right?
Kristi: thanks for the complement..
Well I did in fact have a couple of mistakes lately which made me realise those tips..
Mermaid Lost: I would like to welcome you to my blog since it's your first comment..
Moving on, when I explained in Steps 3 and 4 about thinking straight and going deep within one's self to know the true reason behind one's acts and realising them, I simply meant you should be convinced about your mis-behaviour as a whole.
Meaning: when confronting, you had already admitted to yourself previously that you were wrong.
Furthermore: you are convinced that what happenned should'nt have taken place in the first place.
Conclusion: You took a personal vow never to repeat such a mistake.
Keep in Touch :)
Greeting Fwog,
Interesting topic. So the process seems to be ok but I did miss the part where you just say you messed up and want to make it right. Just to set the record straight for some girls I have a very short memory and do not hold a grudge.
I have my own set of steps and I think they are much simpler. The "you" in my scenario being anyone I have a relationship with either male or female.
1. You mess up.
2. I tell you you messed up...which by the way I do...I am not one of those, "What's wrong dear?" "Oh Nothing, but I am still not going to speak to you" type girls.
3. You think about it, and have a chance to explain yourself, tell me where I am wrong, why you did it, etc.
4. I either appoligize for missunderstanding or tell you your excuse doesn't matter you still messed up.
5. You appologize, offer to repair the damage, tell me you love me, we got to lunch, etc. whatever needs to happen to repair the rift and life goes on.
This is the same when the roles are reversed as well.
1. I mess up
2. I am told.
3. I appologize and offer to fix whatever I can.
4. Life goes on.
One more point about this one...if I have appologized sincerely and you won't accept it then I cease to worry about the situation because obviously you have bigger problems than whatever it was that I did. I am also not responsible if you choose to hold a grudge and or won't forgive me. I will pray for you and feel bad that my actions caused a rift but in the end you are the one holding the rift open.
What I can't stand is when people say things like, "well if you hadn't done that I wouldn't have done this." Give me a break. I am not that powerful. You have a choice to make about how you behave. If you behave badly I am not taking the responsibility for it and you had better stop blaming me and just say you are sorry. A good old fashioned sincer appology is really not that ineffective.
Now that I have put in my two cents I will get off my soap box!
Alistair,
Being single is not always the worst thing that you could be. I am 26 and single so I am speaking from experience. Sometimes it's hard and sometimes I cry in frustration when another friend gets married but I have learned many things along the way that I am greatful for. I don't know if you have God in your life to draw on but for me that is the main thing that gives me comfort and direction.
I have also come to realize a couple of important things:
1. I have a responsibility and the opportunity to use this single time to work on myself so that should the day come that the Lord brings me a mate I will be much more prepared for that adventure.
2. Even when I am lonely and frusterated I realize how blessed I am to not be in a bad relationship, living my life in misery.
Don't let yourself get caught up in the idea that you can't be happy or fulfilled without being in a relationship.
I feel your frustration and hope you don't mind if I remember you in prayer once in a while.
Hmmm. I don't know what else to say but "I'm so sorry for whatever happened."
Great nuggets of wisdom!
Hey you guys, Miss you all a lot..
Sorry for I have been away on my 1-month leave to Lebanon.. Woohoo.. It was great..
Will try to post something about my trip later on..
As for now, I'm back and ready to be in action again..
Hope you guys will remain in contact..
Ciaos for now..
Waiting...patiently...
Have a blastical time! Are you visiting that Paradise place you were talking about...or was that Eden? jk
Hehehe..
Nice to see u again Erin..
Actually you're not quite that mistaking when it comes to the name..
It's actually called "Ehden" which is originally derived from (u made it seem so obvious)"Eden" (no jk ;)
Yes actually I was there and a friend took some digital pictures which he promissed to send a.s.a.p.
Taha in case you are listening, 2 weeks is not called a.s.a.p.
The moment I receive them they shall be posted, that's a promise..
Keep in touch..
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