“L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very very..” Bla bla bla..
“Looooooooove is a many splendid things..” “Love is nature’s way of giving..” Bla bla bla..
Bla bla bla ”..Because you loooooovee me”.. Bla..
Is this the reality of love?
Why is it marketed in such a way that every teenager grows up to the state of nonchalance where he believes that when he finds a person to love all his problems would be solved?
Well here’s an advice to all you kids out there whom haven’t experienced love: If you don’t give love the respect it deserves, this is where you’ll end up:
a) Love is the worst kind of addiction you might run into.
b) Love is the sort of pain that makes you a sadist or a drug-addict (which-ever way you might like to interpret it). You love, and love to love. The more you get involved in it, the more it becomes addictive and the more it hurts.
c) Love is the best trick that man has invented to describe a certain state of mind and heart in which he feels weak and restless in front of his beloved.
d) Love is sly; it creeps up on you unexpectedly, in a time where it’s totally unexpected. You’re there and once things are starting to look good and your life has finally taken a turn to the better, POW, there’s the arrow straight to the heart.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m never insinuating that anything can ever replace the love factor. I’m not even thinking of advising you on staying away from love and move on a date-to-date basis with a different person because love is frightening. “Ooh! I’m scared of commitment” and all of that crap (excuse the language).
Actually, I’m a person whom has always believed in saving himself up for the right person and I’m still a firm believer in that concept. I never gave my self the comfort of releasing the tension and bursting out in love’s rituals until I met her.
She was everything I ever wanted in a life partner: smart, sensitive, caring, loving, respectful, sharing, and beautiful; anything anyone would dream of having in a girl. In a few words, God has blessed me with her.
Why did I almost lose her? Why will anyone willingly give up on such a gift?
Why was there a time when I felt all those feelings which I’ve stated above and did in fact lose faith in love the way I did back then?
Well it’s simple: Love needs respect; I underestimated this fact.
I wanted things easy, I wanted to just sit back, relax, and just expect to receive everything I ever wanted by enforcing myself upon her and others: “my worries are over, I’m in love”.
Be afraid; be very afraid of egocentrism taking over your love life. I’ve seen many (including myself) drifting away by the phrase “you love me = you love me for who I am”.
True, but if you decide to be a self-centered person whom is not ready to even accept your dearest individuals’ differing attitudes and opinions in life, take my advice: You do not deserve to be loved. Grow up or get lost.
Maturity = Acceptance.
Without it, you’re not ready to with-hold such a responsibility. After all, you’re not ready to handle your own responsibilities if you’re not mature enough, so why would you want to drag another person alongside with you.
Is that love?
Is it just a reason for you to feel relaxed and pour your feelings out?
Is it just a method, a tool, to help you trough life?
Think about it.
N.B: I’ll later on post my point of view towards “the dos and don’ts of love” in the second part. I’m tired right now. I also need to think of what I just said, revaluate my state, and move on towards improving my own attitude. It’s hard work, but once you get there, trust me: it’s worth it.
16 comments:
You've obviously been hurt, and hurt someone else as well. You have a great conclusion to this post. I wrote a post on love (with a dif. direction than yours) a month or so ago, it's under my 'archive' list if you want to find it.
Well Cello-Chic,
If I start talking about what I went trough and put her trough it would require around 3-4 blogspots to fill.. But I won't go there since what's gone is gone, it's only lying where it matters, in my mind, where I'm always reminded of my mistakes and it helps me move forward and never go back to the state I was in..
I'll just state it simple and easy: I met her when I was a reckless, irresponsible, immature 19 year old.. I wasn't ready and I wasn't ready to admit that I wasn't ready.. I wanted to defy everyone and everything and did in fact step over a lot of people including myself and my feelings and my own self-respect to get to some places.. But trust me when I say, I did it all with good intentions, but as they say "the road to Hell is filled with good intentions"..
I did too much and i had to get out, but thank God it was the right time to get out, I made the changes and went for her in a new attitude.. What brings the tears to my eyes each time I look at her now, is how amazing she was that she could see, trough all of what happenned, the real me inside and gave me that other chance even tough on the surface I was nothing but an asshole before.. (forgive the language)
As for the changes I made, well they're their sticking in my mind, soul and heart.. I know what I've lost once, I'm never going to let it happen again..
And Sunshine, as for the definition of love, I thank you for clearing that up but the only dictionary I look into to defign love is beneath the surface of my cheast.. So you can call it an emotion, a choice, a feeling or anything you like.. When you are in love, that's when you'll know the definition of love.. The funny thing is, that even then, no words or definitions can state what love is.. :)
Thanks you guys for your comments..
Keep in Touch..
Love is an emotion made by choice in this case. Fwogg is talking about eros.
Well Jordon,
I'm so sorry for making you feel unheard.. It's just that when I was writing, I was getting too emotional and as they say "my mouth was where my heart is"..
I do understand tough your point of view and respect it so please do not appologise.. Actually, it's me who's the one to be blamed for not holding your opinion dearly as I should've done..
But let me ask you this Jordan.. Did you ever fall in love?
In case you did, remember your attitude towards the same subject back then.. In case you didn't, well you'll get there one day..
I hope I didn't offend you with anything I've stated now or earlier..
Keep in Touch..
P.S: When I talk about love and the way I feel I never insinuate to the love MTV talks about.. It's just what I feel deep inside..
Actually my entire post started with me making fun of a few song clichees.. So please don't get me wrong here..
P.P.S: Cello-Chic (by the way, every time I type your name I forget to ask, what is your real name)
What you said about love being an emotion made by choice is a bit more accurate to the description I had in mind, but not identical..
You see I believe that when you do find the right person, you do not chose to love her/him.. Things come naturally and you do go along with it cause you will feel happiness within you doing that.. However, the choices involved in this issue are the ones you make concerning how to act upon those feelings, not whether or not to feel them..
Thank you for you comments..
Keep in touch..
Ok so I have read the postings and the comments and I think one important point has been missed. Agape love or true abiding love is a principle not an emotion. It effects our human emotions but it should be much more than that. There is infatuation which you feel for the other person when you meet them and often for a long time afterward until you get to know them well and your hearts are joined in one common direction and by that I don't mean, "how long till we see each other again?" Love is more than that, it is respect, patience, self sacrifice, tolerance, etc. and last but not least a lot of work. It is also not blind as some would suggest. It sees the faults but loves beyond them. Love is an emotion for sure but left as just an emotion, unguided by principle it becomes a selfish driver, seeking to get rather than give. In todays society there are really very few messages about true love. People fall in and out of infatuation and call it love. It has to start somewhere so i am not saying that initial attaction to someone is a bad thing but it must go beyond that to be really called love. You know can really the other person when you are ready to give your life for them as Christ gave His for us. That type of love is beyond human emotion and is truely a gift that should be cultivated and cherished. enough for now...
Eros seems to be only one facet to what Fwogg is talking about. As he addressed in his warning about self-centered love, he (as far as I can see) incorperates an element to agape. Am I wrong?
Agape is what Crystal was talking about that is not a choice but a principle, as Fwogg clarified to me.
I wasn't only talking about agape love when I said that love must be based on principles. That goes for eros (physical passion) as well. If you do not base it on respect, courtesy, "love", consideration for the needs of the other person than you are not better than an animal acting out instinct. Think about it...you can't have one part of a relationship based on principles and a good foundation but as soon as you take off your clothes anything goes. That doesn't work. Either the whole thing is based on something or it will all eventually colapse. There is a song out there that talks about that and suggests that we are animals so lets just "do it like they do on the discovery channel" or something like that. That idea basically sums up the reason for the lack of respect between the sexes, the high divorce rates and the increased rates of domestic violence between couple of all types today. When your relationship is not founded on a strong foundation in all aspects, both physical and mental/emotional you are bound to have problems. We live in a selfish "feel good" society and if the other person is not making you feel good than it's time to make them do what you want or move on. It's traggic really.
Sorry to post again but I have seen too many relationships/marriages start and end, even after many years, because they did not have a good foundation in all aspects of their relationship so I feel very strongly about this. "Love" is not something to be entered into on a whim. It's wonderful but serious.
You are most welcome Crystal,
I am actually happy to receive your comments and if you needed to state a third or a fourth you're most welcome :)
I would like to thank you for clearing your idea about love and somehow further explaining my point of view in stating yours.. That's exactly what I was trying to say here.. Respect, respect and more respect is the basic priority in any relationship.. Respect yourself in front of your other, respect your other, and respect her/his needs and his attitudes, opinions, taughts, etc..
Anyway Alistair, I'm not so knowledgeable concerning the principles of love founded by Agape and Eros, but I will try to lay down the idea I have concerning these 2 principles (anyone who would like to further explain or correct any of what I'm saying, please do so without hesitance, you'll be appreciated):
Agape's love is the more spiritual and giving and does not expect anything in return.. It's based upon self-sacrifice for love and the spiritual pleasures of giving love rather than receiving..
Eros's love however is the physical love (therefore drives the word Erotic) whom is based upon lust and passion and expects from the partner to fulfill his desires and needs in love physically more than mentally and spiritually..
Huh, did I get it right you guys.. I hope i haven't over/understated anything and I wish of all my readers to correct me if I was wrong in anything I stated or if I left out anything of importance to our conversation..
Thank you all for your comments..
Keep in Touch..
Da Fwogg,
Thank you for your hospitality to my long postings!
You did a fine job of explaining the agape/eros issue.
By the way do you have a name besides Da Fwogg??? I guess it's fine if that's what you want to be called but it seems a little weird for me to be calling someone that.
Well you can call me O,
As for my real name well it's Omar as you might have noticed some of my friend commentators have stated while addressing me in their comments..
But I'm not that fond of it and some have taken the habit of calling me "O" so..
I know, I know I'm being silly and after all what's in a name..
Now you know the facts, call me as you see fit :)
Ciaos..
Keep in Touch..
Thanks for answering! Omar is not a bad name but if you had to live with it every day and don't like it I will call you whatever you like.
where do u draw the line between love and lust?? they are both strong emotions...i cant help feeling that LOVE is just a made up word that we all have high expectations for...a real relationship needs trust and understanding and ofcourse a physical attraction as well as respecrt towards one another something to build a foundation apon... i think the wrod LOVE is over used.....if it is such an amazing feelin how cum u can get bored of someone u once LOVED or LOVE??if LOVE is really amazingly strong how does it fade away...???
does it ever exist in the first place?
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