Miscommunication

I don’t know why I have this talent of putting myself in situations that I hate. I don’t understand how come people, including me, put so much pressure upon you just because of a wrong word that you say unwillingly or a right word misplaced in a certain conversation or even by not saying anything at all when they think you should've.

I’m tired of this world. Lots of rules, lots of restrictions control your every move and your every word.

Sometimes, I just wish to scream in the face of those I’m talking to: “COMMUNICATE! DON’T JUST STAND THERE TALKING!”

I need communication. I lack communication. I need a person to whom my heart speaks directly to hers. I don’t want to have to suffer explanations and irritations because of a word I said. I don’t want to explain myself anymore to anyone. I want someone who sees right trough me. I need someone who can say my words before me speaking them out loud. I want someone who hears, someone who can look into my eyes and see everything I have to say.

I’m tired. I’m so f#@$ing tired. I don’t want to suffer loneliness no more. I want to have a soul mate, a real one. I want to wake up from this intolerable nightmare where I’m running as fast as I can to a door not five steps away but can’t reach it.

Can you be that? Like can you really be that for me? For you? For us?

Cause I’m feeling lonely, not alone, LONELY!! Deep down inside, I feel so alone, surrounded by nothing but darkness and shades in a box. I cry out but nobody hears my cries. People pass me by, and even whoever hears doesn’t listen and whoever listens is trapped in one’s own box.

I need my freedom. I don’t want to be independent no more. I want to depend on your every breath to guide my every breath. I’m in need, and I’m tired of being in need. I don’t care what you think of me now that I said what I said. I’m in need of you. Yes!! IN NEED!! I’m weak and I know it and I don’t care if you know it too. Actually, I need to let you know that I’m in need of you.

I’m in need to let you know, know me, every bit of me. But what hurts me the most is that I still lack above all communication skills. Miscommunication just intercepts the image I’m trying to make you see.

Miscommunication is blinding you, but it’s killing me.