There’s something about the world of dreams that has always astounded me. I woke up this morning asking myself a serious question: Am I awake?
My Car 
It was early morning when I found myself driving near my university wondering about some paper work to be filled. Parked my car, in a lower level out-door parking. I got out and walked past the red clay filling the parking lot and the steep ramp leading to the main courtyard of the university.
There it was. To my wonder, the exact replica of my car standing right in front of me behind the main rose-bush of the building. I approached slowly to check the rear glass-shield and the same picture I kept of Zafer in the back seat was there. However, I did notice a difference. As I’m wondering, the car door opens up and Emma took out her notebook with the picture printed upon it, looked at me and said: “I know… It’s the same”…
…Leaving the university, she offered to give me a ride. Strange, I barely know the girl. I go along. When inside the car I start to see the major differences: Her car had a much luxurious interior: Black leather, chrome and hard wood…
…At her house? Her mom? What’s going on?
“You know that my daughter… This and that… What about you? That and this… Hmmm… Yeah… Not bad… Hmmm…”
And I’m thinking ‘you egocentric pile of sh^#.. Who’s interested in your daughter and her wonderland escapades and why the transcendent attitude towards me, you f#*@ing bit@!, you @#$!!!!#...’ And I look at her and still struggling to send out that vivid smile: “Could you kindly guide me to the bathroom”…
…Standing in the bathroom, looking around, feeling tense as if the walls are closing…
Part 2: The Struggle.
Alleyway
Beep beep… Beep beep…
‘What a weird dream!!’ Took my phone, turned off the alarm and checked the last SMS message I received just yesterday night from Elle.
“Good night omar!”
Strange feeling started crawling up. I called. She answered.
“Hey Elle... Yawn!! Morning…”
“Morning Omar”
“Your message got me worried about you… Is everything ok?”
“Yeah… Guess so…”
“I was wondering if I could see you today… I would like that”
“I would like that too…”
“Deal. See you then…”
…Here we are, walking along a tight alleyway surrounded by rubble of war-torn buildings. I’m walking her home when a long awaited conversation began…
We were in a vast old parking lot damp and shadowy, same lonesome area, at that time. She finally says it: “…don’t you get it Omar! I love you”… Then she smiled and for a moment there her face lit with bright light...
I look back flabbergasted, shocked yet amazed… First words that come out:
“Elle you’re an amazing person and I lo.. like you a lot but I just can’t hurt you and I know I will if I went along with it now…”
A slap to her face… And that was a slap to mine… ‘What have I done?’
She ran, I ran afterwards… She looked at me and looked at him… Her Robert-Deniro-Awakening-like brother!!!
‘But that’s not her brother, or is it a brother I never knew of?’
He ran away…
"Omar please follow my brother before he gets lost!! Sobbing!! He’s not well you know."
‘What have I done’ running in that alley alone, feeling lost, afraid that I might have lost her, searching for her brother in the dark buildings ‘It’s getting dark. I have to find him. He might still be my last chance to salvation in her arms’…
“Hey, stop… Don’t be afraid… Come out, I’ll take you home..”
…Walking back home:
“You don’t love my sister. I was upset”
“Don’t say that. I’m gonna tell you a secret little man. I have been trough a major disappointment recently. I have loved and lost. Thinking from a perspective of a lost lover, hiding behind my fear and confusion of hurting her when I myself am mainly just chickening out of the best opportunity I might ever have of being with someone who really cares and has already made me forget Aytshe and the pain that I went trough with her…
…You know little man, I do not deserve to have such a wonderful person. I would be lucky enough to have someone as half as good as she is. However if your sister ever gave me a second chance, I will never let go…”
He was giggling… ‘Funny little guy’…
Beyond the last half-torn wall leading to the glade, the sunset was an amazing sight to see. Behind that same wall, Elle looked ahead with a tear on her left cheek drying up and smiling the sun away… ‘When you rise tomorrow, we’ll be together…’
Part 3: Schooling you
The Teacher
‘…School is awfully annoying today. Why is that guy poking his nose so much? It feels like he’s digging his way into a goldmine. What is this teacher blabbering about. I never really liked her…’
“You in the back… Give me the solution to this equation”
“Umm… Ummm..”
‘why is she picking on the poor gu…’
“Why do you have to pick on him… I have the solution written right over here… Here you go”
“Nobody asked you”
“Well I know… But to my understanding, this is a classroom. So I do not see where the problem is”
“The problem is your attitude mister”
“My attitude? I’m not the one putting people in awkward positions just to satisfy my control fantasies”
…Later on that day.
“Before we start our new session class… I would like to share with you some secrets of Mr. smart guy”
‘What’s going on? What’s she talk.. My NOTEBOOK... HOW DID SHE GET THOSE… MY INTIMATE SECRETS, MY CONFESSIONS…’
“How did you get that you thief!! Give it back!!”
“Oh I will. But just after I read these paragraphs… Listen up class…
Day 14, I was with my… what an arrogant…
Day 15.. Day 16.. Day 23..
How can you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning having all that up your head…”
‘No it can’t be. I’m in a nightmare’
“…You kiss your mother with those lips mister goody two-shoes… Day 34.. Blabla blabla…”
And then it hit me. With a cold attitude and a calm voice I replied:
“You shall pay you bit@#... What you just did is a felony… I shall see you in court thief”
And her bubble burst… Her face burning red, her eyes boiling… But not a word, she just left…
…During another class time, sitting facing my idol teacher and telling her about what happened with the presence of all class mates around supporting the story, she comes in… So funny, Elle (she always could make me smile in the hardest of times) with the glasses on and a pony tail, books and notebooks, running to the teacher and asking her stuff about her exam… I look up at her and tell her about what happened…
“Tomorrow you shall accompany me to my victorious day…” :)
“Of course I will…” :)
(You think that this was weird: The SMS I received in part 2 of my dream is real and I have it on my phone still saved as a proof. Plus the 3 characters: Emma, Elle and Aytshe are true people from my reality with modified names for privacy reasons. Plus some events mentioned like the private stuff read out of my notebook in Part 3 and some confessions of what I was talking about with Little Man in Part 2 are in fact true feelings never revealed)
13 comments:
Your blog is creative. Keep up the great work.
Adam
First off, you have an awesome car. Second, your teacher is...mondo to say the least.
That's REALLY weird about the phone call.
Dreams are one of the most facinating things in life to me. I don't deny that they do have direct correlations to "real" life, yet I shudder to think that they do have implications. For me personally I think dreams are what we each want to happen, or what we want NOT to happen. I love dreams, but they freak me out, or give me something to write about.
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This is optional for your amusement
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4 days ago I had a dream that I was pregnant...(I had no idea how THAT "happened")...I was freaked out in my dream. I woke up and that night my good friend Charlie was guessing about a previous inside joke: "Erin's having tripelets!" he said. Not good. The next night I'm on IM and my friend was interrogating me: "How much icecream and how many pickles did you have today?" My most UNUSUAL and reluctant answer was: "Two servings of icecream and tons of pickles w/my burger." A few hours later, I get an email from a long lost friend on the West Coast: "Dear Erin, I had a dream that you were pregnant. WEIRD. Love, Cassie."
First of, thanks a lot Erin for taking the time to read my LOONNNGG post and for sharing your dream..
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Concerning dreams, I do have the total conviction that dreams are not only correlated but related to reality.
Pshycologically speaking, dreams are only reflections of facts and realities of the dreamer taking certain forms portrayed by the self.. Sometimes what you see in your dream might be an interpretation of a certain event that took place or it could be an analysis of a situation or even your subconsience giving you a solution to a certain problem which in real life you've failed to accomplish... The mind never sleeps even when you're asleep...
Plus in some religious sects, dreams are said to be signs or even divine interventions from God to guide the lost... So for some people, dreams are considered to be sacred...
I'm not so sure about the origin of the following saying, but I think it was Buddha whoo once dreamed that he's a butterfly, and then when he woke up he asked: "I wonder if I'm a man who dreamed that I'm a butterfly or a butterfly who is dreaming now to be a man"
Okay, you have me curious now, and I haven't out right asked you before, so what is your religion (or what are your beliefs closest to)?
That quote was actually from a philosopher guy (pantheist&Taoist) named Chuang Tzu (I wonder if he's related to Lao Tzu, whose existence isn't verifiable).
Hehehe..
Well my religion is "Islam"...
My beliefs are non of the prototype Muslim...
My religion is only between me and God in my room at home... My life amongst people does not reflect in any way any aspect of religion...
The most aspect of "Islam" that I believe in and this is a phrase from the Quran:
(bism illah elrahman el rahim)
"Lakom dinoukom wa liya dine"
(sadaka ellahou el 3azim)
Meaning: For each his religion.
Plus, in "Islam", true "Islam", not the one portrayed by the media, every Muslim has to study all three religions (judism, christianity and islam) in order to be a true believer...
Therefore, comes my interest in knowing all about different religions and even personal beliefs...
A lot of my convictions in life were inspired by other religions, by other views of life...
Always open minded towards religion...
That's true belief to me... That's my religion..
Weird, but a most interesting dream.
I personally enjoy most of my dreams, but I agree with Erin that there are some that wouldn't be exactly desirable if they became reality.
I was wondering if that was going to be your answer. :) I've gathered that you're very open minded.
How do you hold open-mindedness as your "true belief?" Are you rather eclectic in your approach, taking bits and pieces from conflicting religions and correlating them?
I've been studying the various ways to test a worldview, and one of the things you said caught my interest. One of the elements in the testing is the Practice Test: whether or not convictions held can make it past the theoretical stage, and actually be applied to everyday life. What you wrote, "My religion is only between me and God in my room at home... My life amongst people does not reflect in any way any aspect of religion..." caught my interest.
Hey Jenna,
Well it is true that some dreams do not necessarily come true and some non desired dream might come true... But the question remains: with the warning signs all over the door, should I go in or not?
Maybe I haven't explained myself as I should've. Analising the dream, their are some conclusions to be made. Let's take part 2:
* The war torn city in part 2 represents my state of mind ==> their has been a lot on mind recently.
* The girl (Elle) is someone I really like but was not getting the courage to ask out since I've just gotten out of a long-term relationship and I'm afraid to hurt her or to be hurt again.
* The glade at the end of part 2 ==> peace of mind and serenity.
Putting it all together = I am afraid to go for a relationship with "Elle" even tough I really like her.. But I have a gutty feeling telling me that if I could get trough my self-involvement I can have peace of mind alongside that wonderfull person.
I ask again: What do you think I should do? :)
take things one step at a time with elle....but just because u had a bad experience in the past does not mean the same will happen i am sure even she cant promise not to hurt u ...life is full of many circumstances we dunno whats gonna happen from one day to the next...she may even be more scared then u of getting hurt...keep things at a good pace and when the time is right and u both feel comfortable enough with eachother i am sure thngs will wok out fo the best....well i hope so for ur sake....!!!!!!!goold luck
Hi Omar...miss you soooooo much!!! your dream is great i love it....and for some reason i think i know who your talking about and what your relating to....lek ya ghaliz ana ba3ref!! hehe..see you in Christmas...mwah
Sorry I didn't comment back right away as I was on vacation.
I read the dream over again and I think I agree mostly with Anon excepting this. I think that instead of going for that sort of a "relationship" eventualy with Elle, get to know her better as only a friend; treating her as a sister, watching out for her well being, not looking at her as a prospective "relationship",or as a fulfilling of your own needs. Please don't take offence to the directness of the above, but I am speaking from the viewpoint of a girl who wouldn't wish to be treated that way, while not being totally clear on your beliefs in the matter.
Btw this is Jenna; I just changed my name.
Heya Jenna..
I like the new nickname.. Sounds cool :)
Their's something which you have ommited to mention.. When you said "a girl who wouldn't wish to be treated that way" what did you mean by "that way"..
Whichever the answer (which I'm interested of knowing so please do share it) I would like to make it clear that I do hold her extremely dear and I would not allow myself to put myself in a situation where I might cause her any kind of pain, even if it were on the behalf of losing my chances with her as more than just a friend..
"Better safe than sorry" :)
I guess if you read "Sorry seems to be the easiest word" you would understand how tired I am of making mistakes.. I want a new start, a fresh life where I'm responsible for my every move and relaxed about my actions, not feeling guilty no more about a thing.. Up till now, I've managed to get passed my past mistakes ans I've closed that old book to a new level of maturity and I will not give it up for anything..
Thanks!
Humm... From what you just said I believe that I may have been reading your former comments and mistaken what you meant. Please disregard the "but I am speaking from the viewpoint of a girl who wouldn't wish to be treated that way" as it based on a faulty take on what you had said.
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