Nothing comes easy.
Anything that does never lasts.
Why do we as humans tend to appreciate the "easy way out", "the free dollar", "the one night stand", "irresponsible behaviour", "escaping duties", etc...
It's weird, isn't it?
A person longs to reach a certain goal, but when it takes a little bit more time or effort than he's willing to give; suddenly the goal starts to vanish, a person starts questioning his motives and reasons behind that objective that he so insistingly was pursuing. Not only does he question it, but also he starts searching for areas of flaws in order to give in some excuses to himself alongside the excuses to others to just quit.
I never was a quitter. Neither am I now going to start.
But the fear of realising that dominant trait in related people that matter to me and relate to my decisions is starting to take over my thaughts.
A lot of "what-ifs" have started to circle my ways of action.
What if I went for what I wanted and then realised that what i wanted has expired from the other side?
What if what I'm positive about and still don't doubt is not only as certain as I think it is but wrong to keep faith in?
What if I work so hard for something and find out later that it was all in vein?
I mean, it's not the first time that I work hard for something that turns nothing but dissapointment.
Just for the sake of not stating the terms "every time" or "always", I will start by saying a lot of times, when I was sure of something and gave my trust away for someone believing in something, I was the one who ended up lonely and miserable and all of a sudden receive a slap to my face that all my beliefs and principles that I based all my actions upon were wrong to start with.
Now here' s my dilemma.
Should I change what I believe in just for the sake of getting along?
Why are my principles so erroneous and why am I so stubborn upon mainting them?
But everyone else lives by their own stick-up beliefs.
Why do I tend to respect and appreciate them for that EVEN when their's a lot which I disagree with?
On the other hand, why am I not treated equally in return?
I mean, I see not much difference in the way I am with other people. I tend to be understanding all the time. I take my time to appreciate others' point of views and love them for it.
I know that sometimes I am harsh and I tend to judge fast and be straight forward and even rude sometimes. But everyone is from time to time. Plus I always end up taking my time to rethink every single detail of events that involved me and other people and I always end up putting myself in the other person's shoes in order to view things trough their eyes. Most importantly I never hesitated once to admit that I was wrong whenever I was and to point the blame upon myself and try to adjust and fix whatever was broken by my actions.
Even if the original blame lied not upon me and all I did was throw in a lit match to a huge burning flame that I haven't started, I always blame myself and I mean it. I always tend to put the responsibility of everything in my life upon my shoulders and I always tend to do the impossible sometimes to just fix things.
Now I get back to the original questions:
Why do I do all that?
Is it worth all that trouble?
I'm starting to doubt. I need some assistance.
In case you have any reason to believe in what I long for, please speak up. For in not long, I will lose faith and I'm afraid it's starting to fade.
